i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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