OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
