I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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