Don't you send me to vm
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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