Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
