It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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