Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
