Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it because I queefed?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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