When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
