She is in my trunk
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
