no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
