Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
