the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
