Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
