You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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