with your own penis?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
