I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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