I cockslap morals
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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