I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
