Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
