I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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