Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
