I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
