It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
