I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
