Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
