That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
