Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
