I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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