I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
