I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
