just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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