I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
