no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize