Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
