So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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