I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
