i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
