I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
