I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
