If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
