Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
