I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
