I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
