THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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