I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
