So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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