dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
