I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I believe in your delicious
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
