You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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