I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
