I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize