my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
