he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
