Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
