Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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