So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
