i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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