I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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