i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
