On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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