So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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