I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
