I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
