God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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