All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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