We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize