I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
