In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize