But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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