I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
