So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
